“Find love this year”, television ads exhort each Valentine’s Day. Of course, that special day has passed us by, but if love is on your mind, there appears to be an internet dating site for everyone. It’s become a whole new world out there with the advent of technology.
However, I’m from a different era. So, recalling the experiences of thirty-plus years ago, I decided to tap off a few pointers that stand the test of time.
When my friend, Deborah, and I were young, her father was a strong, stoic farmer who, as a rule, didn’t have much to say about her admirers. Nonetheless, I remember him breaking his self-imposed silence concerning a fellow she dated for a while. He was a pale, fresh-faced youth with a slender sort of build.
Early one evening, after a light rain, this fellow’s vehicle spun out in a rather slick area of my friend’s driveway. The boyfriend’s feeble attempts to extricate this car from the mud left her father pulling on his jacket at the door to go help, shaking his head and muttering, “That boy couldn’t carry a pail of water across the yard.”
- Be able to negotiate the expanse of a backyard whilst toting a reasonably sized container of liquid.
I was set up on a blind date in the late 90s with a pleasant fellow who, unfortunately, stepped from his car wearing a pale blue leisure suit, straight out of the 70s, made entirely of Fortrel. What is Fortrel, you may ask? Nay, what praytell is a pale blue leisure suit? These descriptive words should never grace the same sentence, let alone the same man. It was an unholy union when in fashion and should never have gone further.
2. Adherence to a dress style not exceeding two decades past is encouraged. For goodness sake, let the Fortrels live in peace!
In 2004, I agreed to another blind date with what proved to be a really lovely person. However, I almost cancelled it after chatting with him on the phone, where I learned several unfortunate facts. Advising me that he would drive himself to the cafe since his parents (with whom he lived) had recently bought new tires for his ‘73 Datsun, he happily divulged that people always thought him and his father were brothers. He was 43 – the father was 72.
3. Never give away too much information up front. Particularly if it concerns impoverished living arrangements or premature aging.
A beloved relative of mine once invited his colleague to accompany us to a dance. (It was a thinly veiled attempt at matchmaking.) At the appointed time, this potential suitor strode to my relatives’ door, hastily raking fingers through his hair in an attempt to smooth out a heavily oiled coiffure. Nevertheless, it wasn’t his hair, laced with pomade, my startled eyes were drawn to. It was the many tiny tufts of toilet paper stuck to his face in dried blood that I was unable to peel my gaze from.
“Oh,” he said casually, noting my stare with a sheepish grin. He rubbed them briskly from his cheeks. “I stuck those there after I shaved off my warts. Guess I forgot them.”
4. Any and all discussion of warts or the removal thereof is strictly prohibited! Trust me on this, people…no one needs or wants to hear about it.
Of course, a desire to find true love and form a lasting relationship with that special someone is something we all share.
And—despite poking a little fun, I firmly believe in the adage that states: “It’s what’s inside the person that counts”.
Good luck!
